I promise they won't all be letters - but this is a good one.

Dear Crystal, 

Today was your memorial service at St. Matthew's. I still can't really believe you're gone - I feel like you're still going to walk in for choir practice on Thursday with Ray, even if it has been years since that happened.

Crystal, you were so very loved. I hope we made you feel that while you were with us. We talked today about what a sweet, caring, funny soul you were, and how there never will be anyone like you again. Lisa called you a woman of style, poise, and beauty, and she was so right - you were all those things, inside and out.

I've been a member of this church since before I was born, so I've known you my entire life. I joined the choir when I was a sophomore in high school, and I was so nervous when I first started singing with you guys. You put together my first folder, and handed me my robe that first week, since I couldn't seem to find anything. You told me that soon enough this would all be routine for me, and I'd be showing people where we hide everything they need - that came true in a big way. Whenever I have to track down music, a missing folder, or the CD player that inexplicably moves, I think of you. You took care of me, so I try to take care of everyone else just as well.

Everyone came back to sing for you. Old choir directors, members that have moved too far away to attend, people that just don't sing with us anymore - they were all there. The loft was as full as it ever was. I was so happy to see them all there, and I couldn't help but smile, because only you could have gotten them all back together again. You probably would have told us that it was too much fuss, but that's how loved you were. 

When Ray stood up to thank everyone for coming, and how much this church had meant to the two of you, it just amazed me, and filled my eyes with tears. I know you didn't want to leave him, and he looks so lonely without you - we'll keep an eye on him, but I know you did a much better job on your own than the whole church can do without you. Crystal, he was so brave. I can't imagine the kind of strength it took to stand up straight and tall and talk to us all on a day that was so, so hard for him. You would have been proud.

Hearing the story of your love and marriage made me so happy. Tommy told me afterwards that he wants to go first, so he'll never have to go to my funeral, and I know what he means. I hope our marriage is as happy and joyful as your marriage to Ray. I know we won't be any more ready to leave than you were at 93!

But seeing how happy and blessed your life was just fills me with hope. You were an amazing woman Crystal, and the legacy you left behind is so sweet - a family that loves you. I'm sure you had your faults, but today we celebrated not just the individual things that were wonderful about you, but your whole, flawed soul - and it was beautiful.

Thank you for being such a bright force in all our lives. You will be missed.

Love, 

Kendra

I really did miss you.

Dear Blog, 

Well, it looks like we're alone. I know, I changed your address and your format after ignoring you for years. But I missed you, and I couldn't find you, so I found you a new home. I hope you like it.

I missed talking to you. Even if no one else ever bothered to read you, you were very important to me. I needed the act of writing out my feelings and seeing them in print to come to terms with them. Sometimes talking to friends isn't quite enough. You were always the perfect listener, a hell of a lot cheaper than a therapist, and much more difficult to lose than a pen and paper journal.

So I've come back. And I'm glad to see you again.

Things have changed a lot. I've (almost) graduated from college, moved back to Houston, out of my parents' house, into Tommy's apartment, and got married. But really, things aren't as different as they seem - the person at the keyboard is still me. I'm still as quirky and neurotic and difficult as ever. 

I gave you a new name. I know it seems a little trite, but hear me out - this is a time of change in my life. I'm at a job that is in no way permanent. We're living in an apartment that isn't permanent. Things seems very fluid right now, and that's what being a newlywed is all about - change and growth. So, roll your eyes Little Blog, but you know I'm right. I wanted you to be here to see all the change, because the performer in me needs an audience, a witness, a sympathetic ear. 

Thanks again Little Blog. You're a good friend, and I could always use more of those. Sleep tight.